I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so let's talk penis.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Randomize
