I feel great
I just peed on a car
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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