is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i think i just naturally attract stoners
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
