she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
this boner is exhausting
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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