He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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