so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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