we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize