well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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