I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There r osticjed everywhere
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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