Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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