That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
