Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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