Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Swine flu. Run for my life!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
