He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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