idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
