Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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