Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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