I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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