When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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