my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
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