I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The air was thick with penises
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
