I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize