I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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