she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
