It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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