I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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