I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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