You're completely useless in the revolution.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
