So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize