god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
