why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
