windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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