I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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