Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
