That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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