i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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