Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
