btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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