I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
