Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
