i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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