just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize