I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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