So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize