Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
