Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
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