I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
