I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
