This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
