Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize