Swine flu. Run for my life!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
