Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
