you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
