Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just cropdusted the office
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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