ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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