i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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