Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize