He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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