Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He did a backflip because drugs
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize