Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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