so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
