Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize