Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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