On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
