I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
