You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
