Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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