She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
