We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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