Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
