i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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